Gym Folk

It's officially been a year since I started going to the gym. A whole year. In some ways I feel like I have accomplished so much! And in others, I feel as though I am so far from my goal.

But, there is one thing I have learned from being a regular gym "go-er" that I can say with complete confidence.

I do not fit in with gym folk.

I mean....I really don't fit in.

I smile at people. I say good morning. I watch movies while I run. I don't have "running" shoes (in fact....my toes stick out on either side of my shoes). If someone is on the machine I want to use....I will admit that sometimes I just turn around and go home. And...I drive to the gym.....from my building.....which is....not....far.

These things are generally not done at the gym. At least not by the "true" athletes.

There was one girl who didn't smile at me for NINE MONTHS. Nine months. I smiled and said good morning every. single. day. After nine months....I got a smirk back.

Although some days I duck my head and avoid eye contact as I walk sheepishly back to my car, most of the time, I could care less what people think of me driving to the gym. You know why? Because I hate working out. And if the idea of being able to drive back to my building afterwards gets me to work my butt off at the gym, well.....who the heck cares? I still worked out.

But, these are the things that make me stick out. The gym folk stick out to me just as much.

There's the gum chewer. She usually uses the elliptical one handed while the other hand is texting or holding her phone up to her ear while she shares a conversation she thinks everyone wants to listen to. She usually has a copy of "Glamour" or "Vogue" but doesn't even read it. She glances up at the TV periodically and pretends to be interested in the shop talk on ESPN.

There's the crazy elliptical lady who only wants to use the same exact machine every single morning. She is a bit older and VERY obsessed with her routine. She arrives at the gym, wipes down her favorite elliptical, puts on ESPN super loudly and then proceeds to move her appendages so quickly back and forth on this machine that I seriously wonder if it takes her body an hour to move slowly afterwards. It is shocking, really. And when I say she only wants to use the same machine, I mean it. One time I was on her machine and she stood next to me.....NEXT TO ME....until I finished. It was awkward.

There's the short buff guy. He is much shorter than me, but super muscular. He runs really fast on the treadmill AND uses the weights for quite a period of time. I usually see him at totally random times of the day. 3PM. 6 PM. Noon on a Saturday. He seems pretty nice and I would say hi and ask his name to be polite if it weren't for one little thing. I farted in front of him.

Yup.

And it was bad.

I was running really hard one day and he left the gym. For a loooong time. After about 20 minutes I thought.....surely this guy is gone for good. I don't need to hold this in any longer.

So....I let it free.

And he came back.

And he happened to leave his sweatshirt on the floor next to the treadmill I was using. He walked right into the cloud.

I'm hoping he gave me some grace. I mean...it happens! Especially when you are working out really hard! I would extend someone else grace for farting.

But, that's probably a vapid hope. He probably refers to me as "the fart freak."

Another frequent gym attender is the freakishly skinny girl. She is ridiculously tiny and can run at a high speed for an hour or more at a time. Without breaking a sweat. Not even a shimmer. I don't know how she does that. I run for five minutes and have "man sweat" dripping into my eyes. It's pretty impressive, really.

There is also a man who is SUPER friendly. He has to be in his late fifties, maybe early sixties. He has a booming voice. He wears one of those really loose men's tank tops and has really big arms. He always brings a clear bottle of some kind of colored drink which he never actually takes a sip of.

And lastly, my favorite is the old man who works out in his jeans and polo shirt. He's so cute. He only ever does the elliptical at about 1.5 miles per hour. He always always always ALWAYS wants to talk. Even when you're wearing headphones. It is so stinking annoying adorable.

These are the people who I see at my gym. They're my gym folk. I have loved getting to know their quirky habits and fun personalities just through their workout routines.

I am sure that the gym folk at a 24 hour fitness or a Gold's gym would be entirely different.

But, I'm partial to my peeps.

Even if they've smelled my farts.