And you thought I was cheerful....

Yep. Last night I uttered the words that were destined to come out of my mouth at some point in my pregnancy...."I am done." Done. That's right, folks. Get ready for a lot of ranting ahead. I am warning you now.......stop reading if you think you might a) hate the fact that I am complaining, b) think to yourself, 'wow.....she is really grouchy' and then post a comment to that effect, or c) take the spiritual aspect and start quoting verses to me about not complaining. I am very aware that what I am about to type will be.......unpleasant.
I have had people say to me some wonderfully encouraging things such as, "Wow. You are just so cheerful being pregnant." And...."It is so refreshing to hear you so excited about your pregnancy rather than complain like a lot of women do." Welp. Sorry to disappoint, but I am only human......a very large human with what feels like a very large child inside of her......and I have reached the brink. The brink where you can see the finish line, but way off in the distance and.....it actually MAY not be the finish line, you may have to go on for 20 more miles.
Oh, and did I mention my very large feet and ankles? Seriously. I am thinking that it is not swelling, but a very bad case of elephantitis of the lower legs. And don't get me started on my upper body. I have a line in the middle of my neck that clearly shows both how much water I am retaining and how many chocolate cakes I have eaten in their entirety throughout this 'growing a baby' process. I think it is similar to how you can count the rings on the inside of a tree to tell how old it is, except every line on my neck represents 10. And we have it documented in photographs. Not only photos of events we have gone to in which you clearly can't tell I am pregnant because the shot is only from the chest up (which only portrays the following: boobs that are threatening to choke me because my cleavage goes halfway up my chest, my tree-line neck, a quickly forming double chin and a smile that forces my enormous cheeks up into my eyes....eyes, what eyes? You can't see them in any pictures!) but we were also encouraged to take our picture for the church directory. I daftly thought to myself, "oh this will be sweet. A picture of me carrying our child and then the next picture in the directory will be of Daniel and I WITH our child." Yeah. Wanna know what was wrong with THAT picture? Besides all of the things listed above when I viewed it, I also remembered that the last time we had our picture taken for the directory was 3 years ago. THREE YEARS this picture will be present for all to see. I'm done.
Please don't take it upon yourself to assume that because I am done being pregnant, this also means that I am not excited to meet baby girl or that I don't know how incredibly BLESSED I am to have this child and an amazing pregnancy. Quite the contrary. I am excited. But, I am also excited to.......
1. see my feet
2. see my feet without cringing because they are hideous
3. shave my legs
4. paint my toenails
5. walk across the street at work without it taking me half an hour and being sorely tempted to hitch hike the last 10 feet.
6. drink a margarita
7. sleep....which I know won't come for a VERY long time, don't worry. I'm not naive. But, drinking the margaritas will help.
8. Eat sushi. I don't even LIKE sushi that much, but I am ready to be able to eat it.
9. Go to church without having 30 people come up to me in an hour's time and say the following: "Wow. I bet you're getting ready. When are you due?"
10. Clean my house. My fat feet prevent me from doing this.

If you are still reading....I apologize. But, can I get an 'AMEN'?