Meltdown of the century

And no, I am not referring to global warming here, folks. I am talking about the ugly crying, heaving chested, snot river flowing, uncontrollable, close to vomit-inducing, sick of a dirty house, tired of being a wife, mother and homemaker meltdown. I had it. And it won't be my last one, I am willing to place money on it. Would anyone care to join me?
Let me set the scene. House a mess. Husband and wife having major miscommunications regarding romance, job duties and expectations. Baby daughter only wanting to be held all day long. Stretch it out off and on over a week or so. Yep. Thus began the meltdown.
No, my marriage is not in trouble. Although, this being our fourth year of marriage, I can honestly say that the first year was NOT the hardest. We are best friends, so our first year was cake. We were so excited to be together. So happy to not have to leave each other at the end of the night. But, now we have a baby. And she has been a lot of work. It is a challenging time and a slow churning process, (definition of churning process: a time period in which two people are constantly trying to blend together to become one final product.) but I look forward to the challenge. It may sound ridiculous to say that, but I feel as though our years of friendship have well prepared us to face some tough challenges in our marriage without ripping each other's faces off. I know that God uses these churning processes to make us into the unit that He intends for us to become. And this won't be the last rough year we go through, I am sure.
So, that was the first big thing in my heart and mind that spurred me toward the meltdown.
Luckily, Daniel read the cues well and did much to encourage me to have some 'alone' time. I even got a cozy bed all to myself in the basement where I got to watch episodes of Gilmore Girls and pretend that I lived in Stars Hollow and was attending a quirky town meeting. If you haven't seen Gilmore Girls, I would like to encourage you to contact me and borrow a season or two. I guarantee you will want to visit Luke's diner where we can share witty banter over a cup of coffee. It will be wonderful.
Three days later, I am feeling much better (besides a wicked sore throat bug that has taken up residence in my body.......which really gives me another excuse to have to sleep in my cozy downstairs bed so I don't get my little family sick.)
All this being said, I am so thankful for a husband who understands the value of alone time. He has had his share of the cozy basement. Although, he never visited Stars Hollow no matter how many times I insisted he would enjoy his time there. I love his friendship and still can't wait to see him at the end of the day. It is just taking some adjustment to incorporate our third family member.
Speaking of Miriam....I am also thankful that she has become the sweet little girl that she is. I love that she smiles when she sees me (even if she is supposed to be sleeping and working very hard at perfecting that fake cry). Daniel says she plays her card way too quickly.
The last 4 months have been the most challenging of my entire life. However, I am so thankful for how well equipped I feel to help others. It is a desire I never expected to feel, but I so look forward to seeing how the Lord will use this desire. I have developed this passion for new mothers. A passion that I am going to pray the Lord shows me how he wants it used. I want to be an encouragement to reassure other mothers that things don't always go perfectly. You aren't always thrilled to be with your baby. You may not immediately look back at your labor and think to yourself: "That was so worth it." And that's ok. It doesn't mean you are a horrible person or a bad mother right from the start. At some point, you will look back and know that it was worth it, but it may come slowly. Down with the guilt! I want other mothers to know that it's ok to need to be away from your baby and husband for a couple nights. You aren't weird. It doesn't mean you are on the road to divorce. You are human and you need to be refreshed. It happens. Even if people don't always talk about it.
Hold on just a minute while I step off my soapbox.
Ok, I'm down.
It was a high soapbox. I wanted lots of people to hear me.