Not Me! Monday

Inspired by Mckmama.

As promised, here is a short but amazing list of the things I absolutely, no way in tarnation did this last week.

When I was filling up Miriam's humidifier before bed time this last week, I did not stumble while carrying the water filled container and spill the entire thing all over the dry carpet. And in the process, I did not fall onto the other part of the humidifier, causing it to come apart and reveal a horrifying spore filled community making a life inside it. No. That, for sure, did not happen. I clean Miriam's humidifier everyday and would never forget or let time get away from me, forcing her to breathe in disgustingly dirty humid air.

When my husband took me out to lunch this past week, I most certainly did not allow my daughter to repeatedly lick ketchup off of my finger when she became increasingly fussy and was prohibiting me from enjoying my date with hubs. Nope. Not me. I make all of Miriam's baby food from only organic fruits, vegetables and grains. So, why on EARTH would I allow her to have something that I dip my french fries in? Never.

Speaking of only organic items in my daughter's tummy, I definitely did not find a straw wrapper in its entirety in her poop this last week. What's that? You didn't hear me? A STRAW WRAPPER! No way in heck. Never happened. I watch her ALL THE TIME. I, unlike many other mothers, DO have eyes in the back of my head and I am completely capable of watching one tiny baby at all times. She would never even have the chance to stick a crumb off the floor in her mouth, let alone a straw wrapper. But, wouldn't that be funny if it did happen?

I did not discover this last week that my daughter is quite fond of the Will & Grace theme song. So fond, in fact, that she dances, screams and breathes really fast when it plays. That would not happen because that would mean that not only do I watch TV with her in the room, but I also watch programs with absolutely no educational value and very questionable moral value. Nope. Not me.

And on the subject of Miriam not watching TV.....I did not use the Baby Einstein videos twice this week to get some peace and quiet. What? Who said that?